I am some kind of complicated person who is not able to follow the voice of my feelings.. Tend to usually behave in a way so as to be liked by the others... Often to swallow my feelings, bad or good because i believe that if i express them, then maybe none wiil be by my side... when everything goes absolutely peacefully with the others, could i be at war with myself?

 

I have every reason to believe this cos its been proven.  People are not ready to accept a bipolar Arai.  If she takes a stand and starts a fight in the name of justice; everybody would stay a distance after that.  She can be quite a pushover for she knows she can hurt people (literally). Start to shout and scream for the sake of winning an arguement.  If she stays quiet ... must be her fault; look she's guilty already.  If im bent to clearing my innocence im guilty for any unnecessary chatter.

 

True that everything seeks a balance for inner peace

But what if that inner balance is like running on a blanket of sand on the beach filled wth who knows what hidden beneath the sand. 

You could get cut, burned, bitten, pinched and will only end up exhausted.

 

I am climbing my way to the top

Even it takes me a lifetime to achieve it

Deep down i would like to crush all those who have stepped on me before

Those who never saw me as anything but being a nuisance

I yearn to command; still a friend still human

 

I dont get the respect i deserve

My goal is only one; and that one has already destroyed my sanity

Thank god that i was born stubborn

If i wasnt; i would have broken down, ran away, severed ties or worst case scenario ..... suicide

 

Even if it wasnt my fault; certain words exchanged would make it my guilt to bear

 

I feel like hitting something ....