Nobody stops to take notice really, like other people in the dog-eat-dog world; all they ever do is to WANT something from you.  I help wherever I can cos doing favours is not expecting something back.  Call me silly but I like to help if its within my means. 

Simple things you know; like bring in the laundry, find the missing nail-clipper or prepare the bed for somebody etc.  May sound extremely taxing to some; yeah you know what its called: bossed around.  I don’t know why really … what made me do all these at will.  The word ‘NO’ doesn’t seem to travel my lips when deciding what I should do.  Sometimes I do feel like a fool doing those things at the expense of their entertainment.  So I tried to do the same things to spice things up just to see how it goes.  My favours seemed very impromptu like “Can you hand me that towel?” or “Stop! Switch off the lights on your way out will ya?”  The results well … lets just say that other than being the fat one … I just became fat and lazy.  Great!!! So the stereotype still persists; nobody wants to help the fat ugly girl cos she can very well help herself into reality.  One other experiment I tried was being unhelpful for once.  Didn’t turn out right either, I was immediately labeled as petty and hostile.  Hmm I don’t think they actually remembered those times when I helped them out.  Yeah I’m insignificant when I’m rotten and I became invisible when nice.  Can’t really complaint though its just these complications always leads to mixed up emotions.  I will definitely go crazy one of these days. 

How many sides to a person can there be?  Well I particularly have 2 like most other people.  One character when I’m at home, one for the world.  Its not how I act or behave it’s the reverse polarity in personalities that happens considering the environment.  The extremeness is what puzzled me since I’m always an individual who strays from the norm.

 

I know I can be mean and hostile at times but I don’t really mean it.  I could be joking or having a really bad day.  But as usual I’m the bad seed in the house so every action causes a reaction.  I curse, swear and even fight my sisters upon uncontrollable rage.  Like what’s the big deal?  People fight all the time its how you learn from it; that’s the important part.  Are you at fault? Did it hurt to be at fault? Or did it felt good fighting for your innocence? Yada yada bla bla bla things like that…  the point is; I think fighting is just another way to sort things out if negotiations aren’t really your cup of tea.  But in reality, the bigger you are the bigger the threat.  That’s just the way it goes. Why the stereotype of being the one always at fault lies with weight and size????!!!!  What the fuck!  Its damn screwed!!!!! Hey I’m about to correct my sister on her nasty tone towards me and I get blamed for shouting at her for fears that I might hit her; just because I’m bigger in size.  Like hey I’m so sorry for laying words on your precious daughter ya … don’t worry I would control my enormous mouth so as I wont eat her ok???  Sheesshh its damn screwed I tell ya…

 

Cos what i dont understand is why im feeling so bad now when i know it was my idea

Could've just denied the truth and lied

Now why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground

 

Its hard leaving it the way when i never really wanted to

Self denial is a game so strange i never really should've wanted till there was you

Cause i have learned that love was beyond what human can imagine

The more it clears the more i gotta let you go

And i have learned that love is a word just thrown a little bit too much of this

Excuses to fill this infinate desire and never ever have to fade

 

If all else fail

Would you be there to love me?

When all else fails

Would you be brave to see right through me?

 

Words - by Kitchie NaDAL

 

K i have this impending dilemma and i have no idea how to solve it

I failed 2 modules during my education in poly

As a result i end up with one extra semester

The dilemma is; ive not told my parents

All along they thought that im able to graduate end of this semester

And i have no idea how to break it to them

My mom was like going: "after you graduate what you want to do? work or continue?"

Hahahaha oh mother ... how am i going to tell you this

Maybe i'll surprise them

Or lie about my last semester's results

or .... hmm somebody pls tell me what to do

If the ans is to break it to them now ...

haiz ... dont have the courage

Like how????