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April 30 suicidal note If im ever found dead
Pls refer to this note as to why i end up so
Cos i really feel like commiting suicide right now
Jumping out the window since my window grill's open
Slashing my arteries
Harakiri
Dashing into speeding cars
Whichever thats less painful
U said that i like to break your heart
U said i love to create unhapiness
U said im a devil in disguise
U said im not worth to be loved
These words are enough for me to know that you care for me just to earn my loyalty
& not for the relationship that we share
My care & concern seems futile and worthless in your eyes
My actions are foreseen as an act for personal benefits
So you refuse to listen to my explanations
Everything i do is on purpose
Never has it occured to you that its an accident
Whether spilling a cup
Breaking a glass
Or stepped on your foot
Missed a bus late for class
You will never believe my story
Its ok i cant blame you for not believing me
For im the rebelious one
the obnoxious one
the straight-forward one
the naughty one
You said you will never believe anything i say again
Everything i say is a lie
You claimed that i like to hit you on purpose
Feeling high in control
You mentioned that im always like this
Evil heartbreaker
You said that you always have to beg me to perfom errands or just to accompany you
BEG????
You had to use that word to put me in a spot
Never was there a time that i refuse to follow you anywhere
If there was ...
Dont wake me up at 7 in the morning asking me when im half asleep
Human reactions tend to forget when they are half conscious
But would you spare a minute to understand that?
NO ...
How could you bring yourself to say that
Would you sit down and count the times i did your errands since you like to compare me so much
Yeah i realise im not so perfect in your eyes
Never been proud of my accomplishments
Never been really supportive of my aspirations
Creative minds breeds nonsense & unwanted dreams
So my merits arent to your likings
So sue me...
Its ok ... im not doing things to impress anyone
Nor will i do things against my will just to satisfy your wants
Compare me to others yeah ... dont stop pouring water on my dreams
" Why cant you be more like others? "
" Why must you be interested in those useless things? "
Yeah kill my aspirations why dont you
You claimed that you know me inside out
That you understand me, reading me like an open book
Well ... after listening to your accusations
YOU DONT KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT ME
Stop pretending to read me like you know me
You failed as an educator
You failed as a leader
You failed as a mentor
Attack me if you must ... dont drag my friends into this
You are the reason why i turn to them
I can never confide to somebody who loves to insult back the problem to me
Ive never felt comforted talking to you
Forever being sarcastic to me
Using my problems as tool conversation, mocking me as you go on
Is it really fun for you do so?
Does mocking me makes you feel good inside?
If thats just your nature
Reflect & listen to others than yourself before you lose another
As for what happened
It was an accident whether you believe it or not
Sorry that i made you cry for it was never my intention
Nobody in the right mind would be so malicious
If that is what you think of me
Then i would have nothing much to say but to ask for your forgiveness
My friends
Dont cry for me if im dead
For im not worth missing
This is what mental torture will do to you
So I wish you guys all the best
Goodbye NOne for RODEOI DONT WISH TO WRITE ANY ENTRY REGARDING WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE 3 DAYS OF ORIENTATION
NOTHING PERSONAL BUT ITS JUST TOO LONG
I HAD FUN THOUGH
GAIN A FEW GOOD FRIENDS
LEARNED THAT MAIN COMM CAN BE VERY KELONG
AND YEAH ....
I HATE THAT INDIAN HOST ... YOU'LL BE SORRY THAT YOU DISSED RODEO IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY
April 16 Its OFficialI think i might be working too hard
I think i might be crazy already
Why?
I just used conditioner for soap
And soap for conditioner today
DARN!!! April 14 Upset, Lost & MisunderstoodWhy do people only know only to expect things from me?
To be the puppet
To be the stone
To be the virtuous
To be the example
To be the object for display
To be the perfect daughter
To be the follower
To abolish the freakish nature
To destroy the extroverted character
My mood and emotions just dropped 100km/h from my happiest in 4 months
to a high time low
Nobody likes being emotionally attacked
Being defensive is the most instant human reaction
And yet i'm told of being truely disrespecful
To the point of sending me to an attitude management class
I am trying my best to make everybody happy
Making sure im not neglecting anybody
Just because im multi-tasking
In school, BAOC preparations is really crazy
Only have a handful of loyal helpers for the deco
Lots of hands only one brain
Then at home someone is being hard on me again
Sometimes refusing to let me go for my BAOC
Thinking that its a waste of time and effort for such dilinquient activities
Even tried to psycho me about the reality behind my hardwork
"PPl only like you because you can draw"
"They only want to take advantage of your talent"
"They are not your real friends"
Its really very upseting when someone says that to your face in an attempt to make you quit BAOC
What is expected of me is
To stay home
Do housework
Running erands
Not leaving her sight in order to get rid of worries
Im not the only living offspring in the house
But its intentional intention to make me stay home
Expects me to be at becking call whenever needed
My sister is having her holidays too and she doesnt have much activities lined up
So why is that im the only target here?
Its true ive been going to sch almost everyday to prepare for orientation
Its inevitable
Its not like im doing this whole year round
Only during my holidays
I dont have any CCAs
So after sch during the semester, i always come back home straight
I dont go out that often
I dont shop too
And i definately dont ever come back after my curfew
But still this does not appease you
Its horrible to expect me to abandon my responsibilities to satisfy perceptions
Its not because of the CCA points nor the glory that i join BAOC
Its because of the bonding and time spent together with friends that makes me happy The orientation is this tuesday
How time flies
There's a certain dead atmosphere lingering around the OGs
But im not worried as my group formed our very own POWERHOUSE
We will cheer our hardest to make this the most memorable
Nothing else matters
Not even winning the BEST GROUP
Cos i just want to have a blast with my friends during the orientation
Thats the most important
So now the cold war is in effect again
The silent treatment will commence
But i just dont give a damn anymore
I really didnt think i was being disrespectful
But just to protect myself being defensive and all
Dont care about what you think anymore
Its really selfish of you to be this way
Very Very selfish
So guys, cherish your loved ones
Especially those who understand your vision and principles
Never think of them as your disadvantage
Constant nagging and advice is good sometimes
Its the key to better communication and relationship
Though i hope someone will understand my vision and principles one day
Rather than just clinging on to
own perceptions
own needs and wants
or
satisfying own goal to make me surrender
Seriously im totally upset, lost and misunderstood
April 08 QuizLaughter is the way to your heart.
A man with a fab sense of humour is definitely the one for you!
You want a Clown, someone who can laugh at himself and make you laugh, too.
There's nothing more tedious than a man who takes himself too seriously.
You know that if a chap is silly, he's generally self-confident and secure.
Your man is a people magnet and everyone's favourite friend.
There's never a dull moment with your clown nearby.
You crave excitement and a bit of a laugh, and your clown enhances those things in your life.
You probably think life is too short to spend it without a smile.
Your witty lad will ensure that that doesn't happen - his light hearted and silly ways make everything a little bit brighter.
HAHA GOT THIS FROM LIMEI'S BLOG ...THIS DESCRIPTION HAPPENS TO BE THE KIND OF GUY I WOULD WANT TO GO OUT WITH
OH WELLS CHECK IT OUT http://uk.tickle.com/test/whosyourtypef/select.html Which Baby are YOu???>---------------JANUARY BABY--------------------<
pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up.
Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions.
Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive. Down-to-Earth.
Stubborn. > >----------FEBRUARY BABY ---------- < Abstract thoughts.
Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble.
Honest and loyal.
Determined to reach goals.
Loves freedom.
Rebellious when restricted.
Loves aggressiveness.
Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it.
Horny. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes.
Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
> > >-------------MARCH BABY ------------< Attractive personality.
sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved.
Secretive.
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic.
Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser.
Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings.
Observant and assesses others.
> > >------------------APRIL BABY -------------------< Suave and compromising.
Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative.
Calm and cool.
Kind and sympathetic.
Concerned and detailed.
Loyal.
Does work well with others.
Very confident.
Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous.
Good memory.
Clever and knowledgeable.
Loves to look for information.
Able to cheer evryone up and/or make them laugh.
Able to motivate oneself and others.
Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper.
Bubbly personality.
Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling.
Systematic.
hott but has brains. >-----------------MAY BABY -----------------< Stubborn and hard-hearted.
Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts.
Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation. Shy towards oppisite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain).
Loves to dream.
Strong clairvoyance.
Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination.
Good physical.
Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts.
Loves traveling.
Dislike being at home. Restless.
Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited.
>
>
>------------JUNE BABY -------------< You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner.
a wicked hottie.
It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection.
You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!!
> >
Fun to be with.
Secretive.
Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.
Easily consoled. Honest.
Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful.
Friendly.
Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully.
Caring and loving.
Treats others equally.
Strong sense of sympathy.
Wary and sharp. J
udges people through observations.
Hardworking. No difficulties in studying.
Loves to be alone.
Always broods about the past and the old friends.
Waits for friends. Never
>looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked.
Loves to be loved.
Easily hurt but takes long to recover. > >------------AUGUST BABY --------------- < outgoing personality. takes risks.
feeds on attention.
no self control.
kind hearted. self confident.
loud and boisterous.
VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude
likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted.
Hates not being trusted.
BIG imagination.
loves to be loved.
hates studying.
in need of "that someone".
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted.
lives by "no pain no gain" caring.
always a suspect. playful.
mysterious.
"charming" or "beautiful" to everyone.
stubborn.
curious.
independent. strong willed
a fighter.
> >------------SEPTEMBER BABY ---------------< Active and dynamic.
Decisive and haste but tends to regret.
Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention.
Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous.
Loving and caring.
Suave and generous.
Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love.
Emotional.
Stubborn. Hasty.
Good memory.
Moving, motivates oneself and others.
Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. > > >---------------OCTOBER BABY -------------------< Loves to chat.
Loves those who love them.
Loves to takes things at the center.
Inner and physical beauty.
Lies but doesn't pretend.
Gets angry often.
Treats friends importantly.
Brave and fearless.
Always making friends.
Easily hurt but recovers easily.
Daydreamer.
Opinionated.
Does not care to control emotions.
Unpredictable.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. > >---------------NOVEMBER BABY --------------------< Trustworthy and loyal.
Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times.
Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality.
Playful, but secretive.
Very emotional and temperamental sometimes.
Meets new people easily and very social in a group.
Fearless and independent.
Can hold their own.
Stands out in a crowd.
Essentially very smart.
Usually, the greatest men are born in this month.
> > >---------------DECEMBER BABY --------------< This straight-up means ur the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months!
Loyal and generous.
Patriotic.
Competitive in everything.
Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty Ambitious.
Influential in organizations.
Fun to be with.
Easy to talk to, though hard to understand.
Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know.
Easily influenced by kindness.
Polite and soft-spoken.
Having lots of ideas.
Sensitive.
Active mind.
Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous.
Loves to joke.
Good debating skills.
Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative.
Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends.
Abiding.
Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person.
Loveable.
Easily hurt.
Prone to getting colds.
loves music.
pretty/handsome.
Loves to dress up.
Easily bored.
Fussy.
Seldom shows emotions.
Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive. So which one's yours?? Well most of the descriptions are terribly true about me ... some of them i didnt even knew i had those characteristics hahah April 04 Man! im on a writing streak!!!!!!!We're Only Human
Im a fellan Im a bore
Nobody talks to me anymore
Shrouded shadow salted tears
Lost of feelings over the years
Why the spits, rage the angry sea
You drove the car speeding right at me
So ive tried to talk to you
Turning away from a rotten fish for two
Spilling the coffee on my adidas shoe
Who gets the blame who gets the shame?
*We're only human looking at the latest trend
The fingers on the phone dialing back
You got it good I yearn to be forgiven
My heart bleeds for you ... now thats a fact
You dont even bother to just hear me out
Take my advice cos i have bad news
The north clouds have take shape
The home-pies just wont bake
Its a mistake im trying to warn you about
Im about a stick to a million disasters
Cant see my reflection to know myself faster
Its human yeah we're only human
Think my common grounds were taken |
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